Potentially Hazardous

If I were a package, the post office would refuse to mail me. I should be encased head to toe in bubble wrap and surrounded by bright yellow caution tape. Seriously. I’m a danger to myself.

As if it weren’t bad enough that I have a brace on my arm due to a recent bad fall, last night I fell yet again! I was going down another set of stairs and trying not to grip the railing with my “bad” hand, all the while fumbling with my umbrella, when I took a tumble on a bed of gravel and landed in a very large, muddy puddle. No harm done this time, other than a scraped knee. But as I lay there, “empuddled”, on a dark deserted street in a very bad neighborhood, my half-opened umbrella threatening to abandon me with the next gust of wind, I thought, “I’m a human train wreck.”

I seem to go through phases of clumsiness. I’ll have several bad falls spaced closely together. Or there’s the time I spilled boiling soup down my chest and legs within days of setting my hair on fire. And then I drove a splinter not only under my fingernail, but also all the way up to my first joint. Children should run screaming in the opposite direction when I approach.

Granted, so far I seem to only put myself at risk, but who knows what the future holds? Someday my containment field might be breached, and then woe betide you. It might not be pretty.

caution

[Image credit: safetygearonline.com]

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