Family Norms

One spring break in college I went home with a friend. Half Catholic Italian, half Jewish, hers was a noisy, welcoming household. Neighbors would come and go without knocking on their door, and help themselves to whatever happened to be cooking on the stove. The house was full of light and crackled with energy.

And forget about sleeping in. If you tried to, her father would kick open the bedroom door, shout, “Time to get up!!!” while throwing himself headlong into our bed. Then he’d bounce for a second until he was sure we were awake, kiss us both on the forehead and say, “Breakfast is ready.” Alrighty then. I guess I’m getting up.

For the first time in my life, I realized that not everybody grew up the way I did. Mine was a very quiet, reserved Congregationalist Waspy New England household. No one came to our door without giving about a week’s notice. For the most part, no one came to our door at all. Silence ruled. Calm and routine was what you strived for. The loudest noise was probably the hum of the refrigerator.

And for the most part, that’s exactly how my home is now. I have no idea why I bother renting a place with a living room. It’s not like I ever have guests or eat at the table. For me the living room is simply what you have to walk through to get from the bedroom to the kitchen.

I’m not saying that one lifestyle is superior to the other. It all depends on what you’re used to. I think living in my friend’s home would have made me a nervous wreck, but it was fun to visit. When it was time to go, though, I was a little relieved. I looked forward to getting back to what, for me, was normal.

Our families can probably trace their styles back for generations. That fascinates me. In essence, the way I live my life is strongly influenced by ancestors from hundreds of years ago. The way I do things and what seems comfortable to me was laid out long before I was born. I walk down the heavily trodden path that total strangers, who just happen to be related by blood, have followed for centuries.

And I’m actually kind of okay with that.



6 thoughts on “Family Norms

  1. KerikM

    Somebody came into the bedroom and tried to kiss ME, they’d never get up again. I don’t go in for that touchy-feely stuff at all. I favor a quiet life similar to yours. It’s good that you examine things like this, and just how they came about, though. So you can make sure it is really your choice.

  2. Irene

    Your post certainly resonates with me. I had a very humble childhood, brought up with my aunt and grandmother, who were both of quiet disposition, so my childhood was calm and peaceful, and I still love a fair bit of quiet ambience today. Unlike my husband’s family who are noisy and loud. I have to keep my distance, so as to avoid overload of incessant loud chat, and noisy atmosphere. They are nice people just way too loud fior me. Just glad we only see them twice a year. We are very quiet when we are on our own and my husband loves it, so a bit of a convert. Yes, I love my peace and quiet, also very okay with it.

    1. Interesting that you married someone who came from a loud family when you came from a quiet one. That totally blows my theory that people would naturally be attracted to people from similar lifestyles. But also interesting that he’s a convert. I guess this little sociological study of mine needs a wider sample. 🙂

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