My New Specs

I got new glasses recently. For me, this is a big deal. I’ve been wearing glasses since I was 3 years old. I’m blind as a bat without them. And I’m so used to wearing them that I feel quite vulnerable and exposed when I take them off.

This time I decided to go bold. These are “in your face” glasses (pun intended). These glasses say, “Heck yeah, I rely on a facial prosthetic. You got a problem with that? I’m blind and I’m proud!”

When I went to the optometrist to pick them up, I was in line behind the most obnoxious woman on earth. She was young. She was skinny. She was blonde. She spoke with a vocal fry. And every statement came out in the form of a question.

“So I told my boyfriend the other day that I had broken my glasses? And he was, like, really disappointed? Because he loves the way I look in these glasses? So I was hoping to get some that look kind of the same? But not totally the same? Because I need a change? And before I decide which ones, I told him I’d take selfies and send them to him? That way he could help me choose?”

Kindly stick a screw driver in my ear. I was glad to get my glasses and get out of there.

So, I’ve been telling people I have new specs. That’s short for spectacles, of course. Which are glasses, but also another word for a performance or event. So, do I have to act out, or act up, now? This is too much pressure for my introverted self! But it’s probably what’s needed in these trying times.

Specs is also short for specifications. A standard of workmanship. If I have new specs, I hope they’re better ones. I hope I’m going to be a new, improved, stronger and even nastier me in 2017. That would be good.

Check this out, y’all. I wrote a book!


10 thoughts on “My New Specs

      1. lyn sutton

        Sure…they’re like sooo blue? You could totally do red or purple too? OMG! rainbow would be like sooooo purrrrfect? I better stop now before someone throws poo in my face. Besides, I’ve tried and cannot actually do this vocally. My cords won’t fry.

      2. That’s good, because frying isn’t good for you. I can TOTALLY do it. And I catch myself sometimes, because I tend to imitate the speech patterns of the person I’m speaking to. But if I ever get this extreme, like, throw me in front of a bus, m’kay?

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