Filling the Great Divide

So, a dear friend of mine challenged me to write about a specific moment in our lives that I should not, by all rights, be proud of. He even came up with the title. Challenge accepted!

It’s a rare occasion when I pull pranks. I tend to be very considerate of other peoples’ feelings. And when someone is doing me an unbelievably nice favor, you’d think that my only response would be appreciation. But sometimes it is very difficult to resist temptation.

So, back in the halcyon days when I could actually afford to own my own home, I decided to remodel the bathroom. And when I say I remodeled it, I mean I gutted it all the way down to the studs and started over. And I did much of it myself. I like working with my hands.

But naturally I couldn’t do it all. (Imagine me trying to wrestle a tub into place all alone.) For some things, you need help.

One day my friend (Remember him? The one from the first paragraph?) came by to help me frame in the window and fill it with glass bricks. It was a hot and sweaty job, and I have to admit I was impressed that he’d work so hard to help little ol’ me.

But I also admit that his sweaty plumber’s butt was sideways smiling at me, and I couldn’t help it. I had to. I rolled some wet plaster into a ball about the size of a grape, and I dropped it into the “slot”.

It was so hot, and he was so sweaty, and so focused on the task at hand, that he didn’t even notice. That was unexpected. But this made it all the more hysterical for me. I struggled to keep a straight face for the rest of the day.

Later that night I got a phone call. It seems he went home, prepared for a shower, and discovered that his butt cheeks were stuck together.

Oh yeah. I’m going to hell. But I’ll go with a smile on my face.


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