My April Obsession

It’s 2 a.m. and I can’t sleep, so I check out the live feed of April the Giraffe. She’s alone in her stall, flirting with the camera. I love her eyelashes and her chipmunk cheeks when she’s chewing her cud.

She’s also heavily pregnant. The vet thought she’d give birth on April 1st or 2nd, and at least 200,000 people have been watching the live feed at any given time, but she’s refusing to perform. I wonder if she senses all the attention. She definitely has the most heavily scrutinized vagina in the world.

Her calf will be about 150 pounds. I can’t imagine what that would feel like. I can’t even imagine what passing 4 hoofs would feel like. She’s been pregnant for at least 15 months, too. No wonder she’s going to give birth standing up, and drop the kid on its head from a height of 6 feet! Serves him (or her) right!

Sometimes I’ve seen April swing her head around and closely examine her stomach as if she’s surprised. I’m guessing the baby is kicking. I have no idea why she’s surprised. This ain’t her first rodeo, as we say in the South. But a giraffe kick must pack a wallop.

I’m obsessed with April. My dog Quagmire is, too. He often sits on my lap and we gaze at the camera in rapt attention. I think Quagmire is in love. I wish they could mate. They’d produce solid black giraffes or short little spotted dachsunds. Either way, they’d be cute. Alas, these inter-species romances rarely last.

I leave the April Cam running on my personal laptop at work so I can keep an eye on her. She keeps me company throughout my shift. She feels like a friend. I just love giraffes in general.

But I wish she’d get with the program!


Read my book while you keep April company!


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