Good for You…

Please tell me I’m not the only one who feels this way. Someone I love has just had the best thing happen to him. I mean, the kind of luck that only strikes you about as often as lightning. And I’m so happy for him it brings tears to my eyes. But.

At the same time, I kind of feel resentful. I can’t help but see his good fortune as casting a painful glare on the hurdles I still have to jump over with my rapidly decreasing energy and flagging determination.

Ugh. I’m a horrible person. I should simply be thrilled for my friend. And where do I get off with the “poor me” attitude when there are so many people in this world who have it worse off than I do?

But I resent that, too–the idea that I can’t be bitter and frustrated unless I’m the most unfortunate person on the planet. Can’t I at least have my angst? I don’t get to have that, either?

Dammit, I want the dream job in Hawaii. I want the winning lottery ticket. I want the clean bill of health, the chance to travel the world, the man of my dreams, the fame, the fortune, the luck…

Most of all, I want the right to throw an inner tantrum even as I am sincerely thrilled for someone else. I want that dichotomy to be easy to take as well as being socially acceptable. I want to understand it and own it without feeling the need to blog it out of my system. Is that really too much to ask?

contradiction

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4 thoughts on “Good for You…

  1. Carole Lewis

    LOL. you are not alone. Years ago after chastising myself for feeling “why not me?”, I made a deal with myself. I allow my self up to 3 days of self-pity. In most cases it really works. I can immerse myself as deeply as I need. Wallow, cry, rant and rage. Then suck it up and get on with reminding myself how blessed I really am. Go ahead, try it for three days. Wash the inner you.

  2. Elaine

    You are not alone. Even when I am truly and thoroughly thrilled for others and how well their llives are going, there is that little, niggling thought deep in myself which wonders “why not me?”. I have had a wonderful life in many ways. But……

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